all about nonbinary lesbians
let’s go!
what is “nonbinary”?
nonbinary (or enby) is an umbrella term that encompasses all gender identities outside of the gender binary. a nonbinary person is anyone that does not fully identify as either a man or woman.
common misconceptions about being nonbinary include:
• it means you are “gender-less”
• it is the third gender
• it means you are “both man & woman”
• it is a spectrum
while the first two may be true for some nonbinary people, it is not true for all. agender (no gender) and bigender (two genders) are both terms that fall under the nonbinary umbrella, not the other way around.
"nonbinary" is not a rigid third gender category, viewing it as such forces nonbinary people into a “gender trinary”.
while some nonbinary people view it as a spectrum, this is not true of the whole community. a spectrum with “man” and “woman” on either side and “nonbinary” in the middle perpetuates the idea that nonbinary people are both/half man and woman
is being nonbinary a new thing?
NO! while the term itself may be new, what it describes can be dated back to the start of human civilization. "it’s not gender variation that’s a recent invention, but the western binary that abnormalizes it"₁
the term nonbinary directly references the gender binary, which is largely the byproduct of western colonialism.₂ since many pre-colonial societies had completely different conceptions of gender that did not operate on binaries whatsoever, any identity within these systems can be described as nonbinary. our modern view of gender was forcibly spread by colonialists, the gender binary is no more legitimate than any other gender system. humans have always and will always identify outside of this binary
genders that exist outside the western binary:
•the hijra of India that have existed since antiquity (as suggested by the kama sutra)
•the muxe of mexico that predate spanish colonialism
•the five gender of the bugis society that have been apart of their culture for at least six centuries
•native american two spirits
•more here and here
do all nonbinary people use they/them pronouns?
nope! while many do, using they/them pronouns is not a requirement for being nonbinary. this also applies to physical presentation, nonbinary people don't have to look androgynous to be nonbinary.
there's no one way to be nonbinary
pronouns are simply a linguistic form of gender expression. physical forms of it include makeup, hairstyles, and clothing. but a person's gender expression doesn't have to align with conventional standards of their gender identity. for example, cis gay men may choose to wear makeup but they are still men. likewise, a nonbinary person can choose to use binary pronouns and still be nonbinary. anyone can use any pronouns they like
pronouns don't dictate gender identity
if pronouns≠gender, does this mean misgendering isn't real?
not at all! even though pronouns don't dictate gender identity, they're still a big part of it. not using someone's correct pronouns invalidates their gender identity because you are refusing to acknowledge the legitimacy of the way their identity and relationship to gender manifests itself.
unlike other forms of gender expression, pronouns rely on other people to be used correctly. if someone forced you to dress in a hyper-masculine or hyper-feminine way, it wouldn’t change your identity, but it would make you uncomfortable. for some, experiences like this lead to gender and/or social dysphoria. this is why we should all make a conscious effort to ask for and use people's proper pronouns.
are he/him lesbians men?
NO he/him lesbians are not men
as established earlier, a person's pronouns don't dictate their gender identity nor do they inherently indicate gender identity.
within the lesbian community, he/him pronouns are primarily (not exclusively!) used by butches and studs. these pronouns allow them to express gender nonconformity in the way short hair and masculine names do as well. lesbians have used he/him pronouns and other masculine terms to describe themselves since at least the 20th century with the rise of lesbian bar culture.₃
does this invalidate trans men?
no, butch and stud lesbians' masculinity does not infringe on trans men's masculinity, men do not own masculine gender expression. the existence of lesbians who are comfortable with he/him pronouns doesn't negate the existence of transgender men. again, pronouns do not dictate gender, trans men are men for many reasons other than simply preferring he/him pronouns.
how can nonbinary people be lesbians without being women?
simply put, because nonbinary people are included in every sexuality
unlike the nouns "man" and "woman", which are excluded from certain sexual orientations, "nonbinary" is a malleable adjective that can be used to describe a wide range of diverse experiences with gender and/or sexuality
nonbinary people can still feel connected to and comfortable identifying with certain gendered terms while being nonbinary
as long as you are not a man and not attracted to men, you can be a lesbian
so what are nonbinary lesbians?
a nonbinary lesbian is someone that does not fully identify with western conceptions of the gender category "woman" but still feels that the label "lesbian" most accurately describes their experiences of romantic and/or sexual attraction.
many nonbinary lesbians express their disconnect from womanhood by presenting in androgynous or masculine ways and by using pronouns not typically associated with femininity such as he/him, they/them, and neopronouns.
why do some lesbians identify as nonbinary in the first place?
many lesbians have complicated relationships to gender
"women are forcibly socially defined by their relationship (or lack thereof) to men, any woman who does not experience attraction to men will inevitably have a different experience of womanhood."₄
in a patriarchal society, being a lesbian, or more specifically, not being available to men is inherently gender nonconforming. western conceptions of womanhood define it on the basis of subservience to men, establishing an unbreakable tie between the two. the gender roles assigned to women and men are also typically opposites
(ex. homemaker/breadwinner, demure/ambitious, fragile/strong), these roles exist only in relation to the other and their purpose is to contrast each other. but if all gender is performative, meaning the way we understand gender and present ourselves as gendered beings are achieved through enacting certain activities based on gender roles,₅ then this creates a rift between womanhood and lesbianism. lesbian women's existence cannot be used to contrast men's, and if they exist separately from men, the term "woman" also begins to lose hold on their existence as well.
disconnection from womanhood is an extremely common lesbian experience
but can’t you be gender nonconforming without being nonbinary?
yes! but you can also be both. for many lesbians, the gender nonconformity inherent in their identity leads them to connect with the “nonbinary” label more than the “woman” label
why still call yourself a lesbian?
despite all this, nonbinary lesbians still feel connected to their womanhood through their attraction to and relationships with women and woman-adjacent people
the label "nonbinary lesbian" mends the rift between "lesbian" and "woman" and allows nonbinary lesbians to express womanhood only in the context of their attraction to women. it's one cohesive label, not a contradiction. the nonbinary and lesbian aspects of their identities are inextricable, with one shaping and informing the other.
thanks for reading this carrd
if you have any questions or want me to make any additions or corrections feel free to send me a dm on instagram!
this carrd was made by a nonbinary lesbian who uses they/them, xe/xem, and she/her pronouns